[Cynnabar] FW: Mary - July 18, 2013

Fri Jul 19 09:21:12 CDT 2013

I don’t think anyone posted this here yet. But we have lost my wife, Dame
Margarete of Sterlingshire (OP) yesterday to cancer. She started the SCA in
Cynnabar many years ago and we moved back here a few years back to be closer
to family and friends. Below is the rest of the e-mail. 

Thanks to all.

-Finn

I don’t know how to write this. I can’t be as eloquent as I want to right
now or as eloquent as Mary deserves. But Mary has lost the fight to her
cancer today. She passed at home with her close family around. The past few
days she has been pretty steady with mostly sleeping. And this morning when
I left for work (and her mom took over for watching during the day)
everything seemed OK. However, during the day her breathing became more
laborious and her pulse increased. I received a phone call at work around
3:PM from the hospice nurse that visits daily and drove the hour home to be
with Mary. She breathing was still off and the indications from the nurses
was that time was short. I went and got AJ from day-camp and AJ and I, along
with her mother and father and her aunt June were all home. We all got to
talk to Mary and say what we needed to say. Even though she could not
respond, I know that she could hear us and I know that I was able to let her
know how loved she was by everyone and that AJ and I will be OK. She pass
shortly after that. Nothing long or drawn out.  She is finally at peace. 

Right now, the plan is to hold a memorial service in a few weeks in
accordance to Mary’s wishes. Most likely it will be Labor Day weekend. She
wished to be cremated but we will also be getting a plot for her in the
local cemetery here in Chelsea. Once we get more details on thing we will
let everyone know. 

I know the big question a lot of folks will ask is “What can we/I do?”,
right now, give us some time please. I will absolutely not hesitate to ask
people if I need assistance with anything. But for now, please let us figure
things out and take things from there. We will absolutely take any and all
e-mails, letters, etc. of support. So if you’re not sure if you should send
or not, please do so.

I’ve said this many times in the past, but it’s been the love, support and
prayers throughout this entire fight from all our family and friends that
have made things OK for us. I’d tell Mary on a daily basis about everyone’s
love that was being given her. I know she heard and knew as well. Thank you
everyone. For everything. No matter how large or small your support for
Mary, AJ and I, it all means a great deal to us.

Please feel free to pass this news onto anyone that you may think this needs
to be sent to.

I will send out more details on a memorial service for her (again, probably
around Labor Day weekend) once we get them in place.

Our love to all

From: Dennis Higgins [mailto:mortisfan at comcast.net] 
Sent: Sunday, July 14, 2013 11:20 PM
To: 'joelaf33 at hotmail.com'; 'anntorp at comcast.net'; 'pxs at oconnortitle.com';
'ms81 at ntrs.com'; 'john_laframboise at hotmail.com'; 'mlaframb at earthlink.net';
'katielaframboise1 at hotmail.com'; 'mmcguire at cranialtech.com';
'theresacammelot at sbcglobal.net'; 'mark.laframboise at comcast.net';
'kittymule at comcast.net'; 'paul.lange at comcast.net';
'michael at chicagoguitarstudio.com'; 'meganonlinder at comcast.net';
'gavric6 at comcast.net'; 'jkornesczuk at gmail.com'; 'Michael Scott';
'pekeady at eircom.net'; 'rufquad at comcast.net'; 'Leslie Higgins'; 'Charlotte
Anderson'; 'Albert F. Anderson'; 'Andy and Margaret Anderson'; 'Anne C
Anderson'; 'Anneliese Wenden'; 'Betty Kruse Anderson'; 'Bill Anderson';
'Charlotte Anderson'; 'Dale Anderson'; 'Edward Reilly'; 'Ellen Anderson';
'Faye Bradbury'; 'Glen & Simone Anderson'; 'Glen Anderson'; 'John Enlow';
'June Anderson Enlow'; 'Katie Enlow'; 'Mary Higgins'; 'Paul Anderson';
'Scott & Mary Jo Anderson'; 'Sharon Ciccotelli'; 'Heather Hopkins';
'peggyonthehill at yahoo.com'; 'kohlfamily5 at yahoo.com'; 'sorangnick at gmail.com';
'GRIFFONEDORO at yahoogroups.com'; 'House_Fairhaven at yahoogroups.com'; 'Greg
Less'; 'Anne Stevenson'; 'Hannah Schreiber'; 'Art Sinclair'; 'Charles J.
Cohen'; 'Elaine Cohen'; 'Rebecca.Johnson at sanofi-aventis.com'; 'Mike Knauer';
'Bertana/Maggi'; 'Alison Choyce'; 'tasha at cottesimple.com'; 'Alissa White';
'asa in svarta'; 'Alys Mackyntoich'; 'Sean Powell'
Subject: Mary update - July 14th

Hi again,

Just a quick note to let folks know that there has been no real change over
the past few days. She is sleeping most of the time but does wake up some
during her bed-baths or changes. Still resting comfortably but other than
sleeping a lot, not much to report. 

We’re headed into what should be a low key week. Just work for me and summer
day-camp for AJ with Mary’s mom and her Aunt June hanging out during the
day.

I’ll update with any news, but if you don’t hear from me for a few days it’s
only because there is not much to report.

Have a good week all.

Dennis

From: Dennis Higgins [mailto:mortisfan at comcast.net] 
Sent: Thursday, July 11, 2013 10:14 PM
To: joelaf33 at hotmail.com <mailto:joelaf33 at hotmail.com> ; anntorp at comcast.net
<mailto:anntorp at comcast.net> ; pxs at oconnortitle.com
<mailto:pxs at oconnortitle.com> ; ms81 at ntrs.com <mailto:ms81 at ntrs.com> ;
john_laframboise at hotmail.com <mailto:john_laframboise at hotmail.com> ;
mlaframb at earthlink.net <mailto:mlaframb at earthlink.net> ;
katielaframboise1 at hotmail.com <mailto:katielaframboise1 at hotmail.com> ;
mmcguire at cranialtech.com <mailto:mmcguire at cranialtech.com> ;
theresacammelot at sbcglobal.net <mailto:theresacammelot at sbcglobal.net> ;
mark.laframboise at comcast.net <mailto:mark.laframboise at comcast.net> ;
kittymule at comcast.net <mailto:kittymule at comcast.net> ;
paul.lange at comcast.net <mailto:paul.lange at comcast.net> ;
michael at chicagoguitarstudio.com <mailto:michael at chicagoguitarstudio.com> ;
meganonlinder at comcast.net <mailto:meganonlinder at comcast.net> ;
gavric6 at comcast.net <mailto:gavric6 at comcast.net> ; jkornesczuk at gmail.com
<mailto:jkornesczuk at gmail.com> ; 'Michael Scott'; pekeady at eircom.net
<mailto:pekeady at eircom.net> ; rufquad at comcast.net
<mailto:rufquad at comcast.net> ; 'Leslie Higgins'; 'Charlotte Anderson';
'Albert F. Anderson'; 'Andy and Margaret Anderson'; 'Anne C Anderson';
'Anneliese Wenden'; 'Betty Kruse Anderson'; 'Bill Anderson'; 'Charlotte
Anderson'; 'Dale Anderson'; 'Edward Reilly'; 'Ellen Anderson'; 'Faye
Bradbury'; 'Glen & Simone Anderson'; 'Glen Anderson'; 'John Enlow'; 'June
Anderson Enlow'; 'Katie Enlow'; 'Mary Higgins'; 'Paul Anderson'; 'Scott &
Mary Jo Anderson'; 'Sharon Ciccotelli'; 'Heather Hopkins';
peggyonthehill at yahoo.com <mailto:peggyonthehill at yahoo.com> ;
kohlfamily5 at yahoo.com <mailto:kohlfamily5 at yahoo.com> ; sorangnick at gmail.com
<mailto:sorangnick at gmail.com> ; GRIFFONEDORO at yahoogroups.com
<mailto:GRIFFONEDORO at yahoogroups.com> ; House_Fairhaven at yahoogroups.com
<mailto:House_Fairhaven at yahoogroups.com> ; 'Greg Less'; 'Anne Stevenson';
'Hannah Schreiber'; 'Art Sinclair'; 'Charles J. Cohen'; 'Elaine Cohen';
Rebecca.Johnson at sanofi-aventis.com
<mailto:Rebecca.Johnson at sanofi-aventis.com> ; 'Mike Knauer';
'Bertana/Maggi'; 'Alison Choyce'; tasha at cottesimple.com
<mailto:tasha at cottesimple.com> ; 'Alissa White'; 'asa in svarta'; 'Alys
Mackyntoich'; 'Sean Powell'; 'Dennis Higgins'
Subject: RE: Mary update - beginning of July

Hi everyone,

I wanted to get another post out to folks on how Mary is doing. Basically,
she’s been stable with things remaining about the same. There are some days
where she sleeps most of the day. And other days where she is awake an
interactive (at least for her). So on good days she still is able to talk
somewhat and responds to questions and she has her right hand/arm she can
use somewhat. Other days she sleeps. Overall she seems to be comfortable.
One of the problems we are working at dealing with is trying to keep bed
sores from happening. So it’s a daily struggle. She still is not eating any
solid foods. Mostly water and chocolate milk. Some ice-cream or shake every
now and then. But mostly, it’s been pretty steady over the past week. We’ll
take that.

Also, I had been putting out three copies of these e-mails, one for my
family, one for Mary’s family and one for our SCA and other friends. I
decided to just put everyone on the same list so I’m not having to copy and
paste things three times. Just a heads up if you see strange names/e-mails
on the list.

Lastly, people let me know how they think how strong/amazing I am going thru
all this. But I want everyone to know that I couldn’t be without the
wonderful support of our friends and family. I’d especially like to thank
Mary’s mother, Charlotte who has been there for Mary, AJ and I through this
entire time. She stays with Mary while I’m at work and takes care of AJ
after school and now after summer camp until I get home. Without her daily
presence, I not be able to do this. Thank you Charlotte. Also, I’d like to
thank some of the others that have come to help out for Mary as well. Her
cousin Ellen and friend Kathy have both come multiple times (from out of
state) to help out. Mary’s aunt June is now in town helping out Charlotte.
Also another old friend of Charlotte’s and the family Erma came up from New
Mexico to assist. And her brother Paul as well for some short but needed
weekend relief for me occasionally to get some time away to get things done
outside the house (even if to just recharge a bit). There are others who’ve
helped that I’m sure I’m missing, but know we are eternally grateful for
everything, not matter how large or small the efforts. 

So as for now, we’ll take the steady state Mary is in and take things day by
day.

Take care everyone.

-Dennis

From: Dennis Higgins [mailto:mortisfan at comcast.net] 
Sent: Thursday, July 04, 2013 11:23 PM
To: joelaf33 at hotmail.com <mailto:joelaf33 at hotmail.com> ; anntorp at comcast.net
<mailto:anntorp at comcast.net> ; pxs at oconnortitle.com
<mailto:pxs at oconnortitle.com> ; ms81 at ntrs.com <mailto:ms81 at ntrs.com> ;
john_laframboise at hotmail.com <mailto:john_laframboise at hotmail.com> ;
mlaframb at earthlink.net <mailto:mlaframb at earthlink.net> ;
katielaframboise1 at hotmail.com <mailto:katielaframboise1 at hotmail.com> ;
mmcguire at cranialtech.com <mailto:mmcguire at cranialtech.com> ;
theresacammelot at sbcglobal.net <mailto:theresacammelot at sbcglobal.net> ;
mark.laframboise at comcast.net <mailto:mark.laframboise at comcast.net> ;
kittymule at comcast.net <mailto:kittymule at comcast.net> ;
paul.lange at comcast.net <mailto:paul.lange at comcast.net> ;
michael at chicagoguitarstudio.com <mailto:michael at chicagoguitarstudio.com> ;
meganonlinder at comcast.net <mailto:meganonlinder at comcast.net> ;
gavric6 at comcast.net <mailto:gavric6 at comcast.net> ; jkornesczuk at gmail.com
<mailto:jkornesczuk at gmail.com> ; 'Michael Scott'; pekeady at eircom.net
<mailto:pekeady at eircom.net> ; rufquad at comcast.net
<mailto:rufquad at comcast.net> ; 'Leslie Higgins'; 'Dennis Higgins'
Subject: Mary update - beginning of July

Hello everyone,

I’m happy to report that Mary is slowly improving since my last update. For
a while, she was sleeping most of the time (up to 23+ hours a day) and was
not very responsive. She has slowly been awake more to where today she
probably has had her eyes open about ½ the time. She is also able to whisper
a bit (though it’s hard to understand her sometimes) and can definitely
respond to questions asked of her. Her right arm is also coming back some as
well. She still is not eating solid foods but has taken a bit of ice cream
and we are making sure she gets enough water. Her pain levels still seem to
be under control, so we are keeping on top of the daily meds for her. 

While Mary is not sitting up and chatting away with folks, the fact that she
is as awake and interactive as she is compared to just a few days ago it a
good sign. How long will things last? How much better may she get? No one
knows. But we’re taking every day with her and doing what we can. 

So baby steps, but at least in a good direction.

Take care all. I’ll drop another line out soon. 

Dennis

From: Dennis Higgins [mailto:mortisfan at comcast.net] 
Sent: Saturday, June 29, 2013 8:18 PM
To: 'joelaf33 at hotmail.com'; 'anntorp at comcast.net'; 'pxs at oconnortitle.com';
'ms81 at ntrs.com'; 'john_laframboise at hotmail.com'; 'mlaframb at earthlink.net';
'katielaframboise1 at hotmail.com'; 'mmcguire at cranialtech.com';
'theresacammelot at sbcglobal.net'; 'mark.laframboise at comcast.net';
'kittymule at comcast.net'; 'paul.lange at comcast.net';
'michael at chicagoguitarstudio.com'; 'meganonlinder at comcast.net';
'gavric6 at comcast.net'; 'jkornesczuk at gmail.com'; 'Michael Scott';
'pekeady at eircom.net'; 'rufquad at comcast.net'; 'Leslie Higgins'
Subject: Mary update - end of June

Hello everyone,

We’ve been fortunate that most of my updates on Mary have been more or less
positive on how things are going. I’m sorry to say that we’ve hit a downturn
during this past week. As many of you know last weekend Mary stayed in a
hospice care home for a few days while AJ and I went to Chicago for a much
needed break and a chance to see some of my extended family. Before going
into the home, Mary definitely wanted to go to take a break from our four
walls and get a change of scenery. However, coming out form the home she
ended up in a state with higher anxiety and pain levels.  We don’t know if
it is the cancer spreading that caused it or the unfamiliar surroundings or
a combination of both. We will probably never know for sure and in the end,
it doesn’t really matter. Basically after we got her home, she would call
out a lot (“No. No. No” “Owww.” “Darn-it!”) and generally not able to
communicate but thru simple answers. It took a couple of days and some
changes to meds (ramped up anti-anxiety meds and changes to her pain-meds)
but we finally have her resting comfortably. 

Now here’s the hard part, feel free to go get some tissues. Since then, she
has been sleeping/resting about 23 hours out of the day. She can answer
questions if you ask her (Do you like Animal Planet on? “Yes.”, Are you
hungry? “Yes.”, What do you want to eat? “I don’t know.”), but she is unable
to carry on a conversation beyond that and she rarely opens her eyes. We
don’t know if this is her body recovering from the stress of the respite
home trip or if this is the cancer finally starting to get to things.
Basically, this may be an extended down-cycle or it could be the start of
the end-of-life phases. The more days she stays sleeping most of the time
the more likely it is looking like the latter. We’re keeping her pain and
anxiety medicated so she is definitely resting comfortably. And we’re able
to have her drink water a little bit at a time throughout the day. But she
really is not eating anything at all other than some ice-cream now and then.
There are no plans for trying to get her into a hospital and put her on
feeding tube or anything like that. Mary and I discussed at length at the
start of this whole thing (over three years ago) and she defiantly does not
want to prolong anything beyond its natural course. We have DNRs (do not
resuscitate) orders already signed and in place. So whether this is the
start of the end-of-life phase or just a down-turn, we want everyone to know
that we are doing exactly what Mary wants. 

So right now we are taking things day by day. She is resting comfortably and
we have hospice nurse and/or nurse aides stopping by every day to help keep
her clean and take care of her. The only thing we can do right now is to
help with the meds and water and see how thing go over the upcoming days. I
will absolutely keep everyone posted more frequently, I’ll try for every few
days or so, even if it’s just to let people know that there is no change in
status.

Everyone’s help, thoughts and prayers over the years Mary (and AJ and I)
have been going this have been amazing. Please keep sending Mary your love.
It makes a difference.

Dennis

From: Dennis Higgins [mailto:mortisfan at comcast.net] 
Sent: Wednesday, June 05, 2013 8:32 PM
To: 'joelaf33 at hotmail.com'; 'anntorp at comcast.net'; 'pxs at oconnortitle.com';
'ms81 at ntrs.com'; 'john_laframboise at hotmail.com'; 'mlaframb at earthlink.net';
'katielaframboise1 at hotmail.com'; 'mmcguire at cranialtech.com';
'theresacammelot at sbcglobal.net'; 'mark.laframboise at comcast.net';
'kittymule at comcast.net'; 'paul.lange at comcast.net';
'michael at chicagoguitarstudio.com'; 'meganonlinder at comcast.net';
'gavric6 at comcast.net'; 'jkornesczuk at gmail.com'; 'Michael Scott';
'pekeady at eircom.net'; 'rufquad at comcast.net'; 'Leslie Higgins'
Subject: Mary update June 2013

Hello everyone,

An update on how Mary’s doing at the start of June. Not a lot of changes in
how she is doing since last update. Her leg is still not working and she
needs help with all transfers from bed to wheelchair or couch to commode.
She is still also having the “foggy brained” days where a lot of the times
she just can’t find the right word(s) when trying to say something. The most
recent one was when wanting something and could only think of
“marshmallows”. It took about 15 minutes to get too she was a) asking for a
cereal and b) wanting Lucky Charms. It can get frustrating for all, but
everyone tries to take these things in stride. Her pain tends to remain in
good check. 

For the rest of the time, it’s status quo as much as we can. While I’m at
work Mary’s mom, Charlotte, stays with her and has nurses and/or nurse-aids
stop in once a day to help out with bed-baths and such. If I’m lucky I can
get someone (usually Mary’s brother) to stop in on the weekend and give me a
couple of hours to get out of the house to run errands.  Other than that, I
go to work and then home and helping Mary out and taking care of the house
and AJ as best I can.

We have gotten a hospital bed brought to the house last week. It is helping
a lot with making her more comfortable and easier for us helpers to take
care of her. She can adjust/sit up much easier as well without trying to
prop 80 pillows behind her to get the right angle/comfort level. 

This past weekend we had some of Mary’s friends and family who have been
helping in one way or another stop over this weekend for a gathering/dinner
party on Saturday night. Mary really wanted to get a lot of the people that
mean a lot to her that have been helping to get together and finally meet
each other. (If you were left off the invite list, we apologize. It was
difficult to figure out who all to invite without asking EVERYONE to come :)
.) It did Mary’s heart a lot of good for her to see everyone together in
person. I got to fire up the grill and folks brought over other side dishes.
It was a great visit for Mary and everyone even though it wiped her out
some.

Coming up, we are going to have Mary try a short visit to the hospice
respite care. It will be like a mini-vacation for her as it will be a change
of pace from the house. I have my family’s annual golf outing in late June
and we can sync the timing so both Mary’s mom and I get a small (but needed)
break from being constant care-takers and I get to visit my family in
Chicago. Mary’s actually looking forward to the respite care visit.

For AJ, his 3rd grade school year ends this week. Our local parks and
recreation group has a summer day-camp that we have AJ signed up for. He’s
also excited about that. It may even be close enough for him to walk home
from. 

Other than that, not much else planned as we are taking things one day at a
time for the most part.

Thanks again to all for your love and support thru everything.

-Dennis

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